Chapter 7 – Expectations

I wanted to be wrong, somehow. I wanted the universe to prove to me that my teenage memories where in fact just a version of reality. A very distorted one.

I hoped for his eyes to not  sparkle anymore. I secretly hoped he’d be so different I wouldn’t be attracted to him at all when I saw him … or that I just wouldn’t care.

And there he was. Like a mirage. Everything felt like slow motion. I couldn’t look away. What was he doing here? He had been living in LA for years now.

As he walked towards me,  I took a series of short breaths and suddenly… I felt like me again. Me, before… life. Before everything just changed and got complicated.

“Angela!” – he said. So… friendly. So caring. As if we were old friends… which I guess is precisely what we are. People who used to know one another a long time ago. But don’t anymore.

He smelled like chamomile and lavender.

He asked me how I was doing and I lied with a simple answer.

He asked me about Brian. I lied again.

I said we were not together anymore… as if it was a sure thing… as if, I was available.

It was wrong and childish and not something anyone would ever advise me to do… and I know that but I just could’t…. not.

Jordan Catalano makes me immediately forget about my issues with Brian. It’s like he has the power of making me wonder what life would have been if I had forgiven him for getting Rayanne pregnant in high school. He makes me wish Brian had never entered the picture for a moment. And that is probably not fair… and not true either… but I still feel it.

It turns out he is here because of Noah, his and Rayanne’s son. Noah is about to become a dad in a few weeks, which means Jordan Catalano will be around until the baby comes.

I promised myself I would not start another conversation with him because the mess in my head is not exactly something I could blame him for. Not entirely, anyway.  I couldn’t expect Jordan Catalano to fix everything. Or fix me. Whatever it is that is wrong with me. Even though I feel like he actually could do that quite easily.

But he did ask for my number. And my phone has been buzzing all day.